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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112027">all i've ever learned from love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xandrillia/pseuds/xandrillia'>xandrillia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>character studies [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adora in the Heart, Angst, Character Study, F/F, Happy Ending, Heartache, Missing Scene, Swearing, and 'what did i do to deserve this', but more like 'where did i go wrong', catradora, i forgot to add that one whoops, let adora say fuck, sorry this one's sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:02:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,940</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xandrillia/pseuds/xandrillia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s too late,” she whispered. It always had been. She’d tried, and she’d fought, and she’d begged and screamed for a chance at a life worth living.<br/>It wasn’t enough.<br/>It never was.</p><p>or: adora &amp; her heart</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora &amp; Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>character studies [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139381</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all i've ever learned from love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>if u wake up and immediately watch the leap of faith scene from into the spiderverse u get a LOT of motivation apparently</p><p>title from hallelujah! :)</p><p> </p><p>  <b>content warning for description of pain</b></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She-Ra was gone.</p><p>Adora walked the chambers of the crystal castle alone, one hand pressed to her side, the other trailing along the wall. The guardian’s cry echoed through the halls, the deep rumble of its voice rattling in her chest, the painfully high scream overlaying it driving a headache deep into her skull, striking white lines of pain before her eyes. She stumbled forward, each breath burning in her chest, begging for relief that Adora would not provide, because she would not stop.</p><p>She had to do this.</p><p>Adora had long abandoned all pretense of whether or not she <em> could </em> do it— that was simple. She couldn’t. But she would. And maybe her friends would celebrate, after, and her death wouldn’t mark a loss in their lives, but the start of something new. Something bold and beautiful and unknown to them all. </p><p>She grit her teeth and kept walking.</p><p>Some time later, the guardian’s cries only growing in their intensity, corridors stretching far longer than she remembered, memories whispering in her ears, Adora found herself kneeling on the ground. She pressed her forehead to the wall, trying to steady herself, hand shaking over the cuts in her side. Tears ran down her cheeks. The pain was so much—  too bright and too painful and too fucking much to even <em> think </em> about bearing, but if anyone could do the impossible it was Adora, not because she volunteered but because she must, and it was her destiny to suffer this existence alone— that all but the faintest purpose fell to the back of her mind.</p><p><em> Get up, </em> someone hissed. She bit back a sob.</p><p>
  <em> Let go. </em>
</p><p>That was a more reasonable request.</p><p>
  <em> You deserve mo— </em>
</p><p>“Fuck,” Adora whispered. The word fell flat at her feet. It didn’t help.</p><p>Her hand shook where it pressed against the wall. Someone crouched next to her, just out of her line of sight. She should have cared, or been worried about them but all she said was—</p><p>“How’d you do it?”</p><p>Mara— and she was Mara, then, warm dark eyes and jaw set with determination, strong hands reaching for Adora, taking her arms and pulling her to her feet— shook her head and pushed Adora’s hair out of her face.</p><p>“Do what?” she asked distractedly. She guided Adora’s hand to the wall, pushed her shoulders back to force her to stand straight.</p><p>“Alone,” Adora whispered. “How’d you do it alone?”</p><p>Mara put her hand against her cheek. They were the same height, Adora realized. She’d been younger when she’d last seen Mara, shaken and scared, at the end of her time. There in the crystal castle she looked like Madame Razz’s Mara, optimistic yet determined, ready to see this chapter play out to its final pages. Adora had only glimpsed the story before hers, as censored as it was, but Mara would know both. It was comforting to know she’d understand. It was terrifying to know someone might see her this way.</p><p>“I had to do it, Adora. It was the only way.”</p><p>She remembered—</p><p>
  <em> No, you don’t. </em>
</p><p>Absence.</p><p>The empty space had ached for years, but <em> that— </em>having Catra near and close and being able to touch her shoulder, look her in the eyes, hear her voice and make her smile, knowing that she’d given her up (driven her away) not once but <em>twice—</em> that mistake would be the death of her.</p><p>Adora grimaced. She could be angry about it. She had tried to be angry, to dredge up the strength to want to scream and fight and end this battle on her feet like she knew she should have. Head held high in the midst of the battle against Prime, exactly where she needed to be. She wouldn’t make it that far.</p><p>“Is it?” she asked.</p><p>Mara didn’t answer. She didn’t need to.</p><p>“Why are you here?” Adora said, instead. Light Hope was gone. The only other person who’d ever had any control over the palace was herself, and Adora wouldn’t wish for this. Mara shrugged.</p><p>“To guide you.”</p><p>“Don’t,” Adora said, desperate. It was better to fall alone. “Don’t make me.”</p><p>Adora regretted the words the moment they left her mouth, but she knew Mara wasn’t really there. Adora was speaking with some selfless part of herself that knew what had to be done. A selfish part of her that was desperate for someone else to take the fall instead of letting her be the hero, but it was okay. Adora knew how to silence her.</p><p>Mara’s eyes softened. “It’s not up to me, Adora. I took what I could off of your shoulders.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>Adora sighed. She lifted her chin.</p><p>“I’m ready.”</p><p>-</p><p>The lightest touch against her face. Warmth, less than the fever-bright fire eating her alive. This was kind— gentle. Adora imagined her skin around the deep cuts burning and blistering, cracked red traced with gentle green vines laced with poison, venom seeping into her blood, straining for her heart, but this was different. Hands cupping her face, and they held her as if she were to be revered, as if she were something worth saving. Something worth fighting for.</p><p>And then they let go.</p><p>
  <em> “...to the Heart.” </em>
</p><p>Adora knew that voice. She fought to open her eyes.</p><p>“I’ll catch up, okay?”</p><p>“No, no, Catra—"</p><p>“Leave her,” another voice hissed, this one in her ear. Shadow Weaver hauled her to her feet. Adora’s last glimpse of Catra was her staring down the guardian, shoulders set. She withdrew her claws and didn’t look back.</p><p>-</p><p>Catra’s voice echoed beside her. Mara stood on Adora’s other side, gazing up at the flickering heart. Catra’s hand tightening on her arm was a distant memory, barely scratching the surface of the low fog covering her mind. They were missing someone— Shadow Weaver.</p><p>Adora shook her head. No, she was—</p><p>gone.</p><p>Adora didn’t know what to think about that.</p><p>So she moved on. Forward, one foot in front of the other, letting fate fold its cruel fingers around her, drag the last breaths from her chest, close her eyes and set her to sleep.</p><p>“I think I kind of hate you,” she said. Mara raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“For leaving it on you?”</p><p>Adora nodded.</p><p>“I know. Tell me in a minute.”</p><p>She didn’t. Hate her, that was. That was obvious from even the beginning, but the fact remained that there wasn’t room for anything inside Adora anymore; fire had turned to embers, and embers burned to ashes. She stood in the dusty ruins of the lives she’d tried to save, shadowed by a warrior whose name had been long ago forgotten.</p><p>“Okay,” Catra said, urging her forward with a reassuring— though brief— smile. She wouldn’t lie and say that it would <em> be </em> okay unless she was sure, and she wasn’t, so she just nodded and reminded Adora that she was there. Her hands fell from Adora’s shoulders as she stepped forward, reaching in the empty space between her and the Heart. Transforming was different now that it was as herself. It had been adrenaline, before, when she held the corrupt sword intended only for control. Pain and strength twin storms surging through her, barely held back by her own courage.</p><p>After, it was golden rays of early morning sunlight filtering through gauzy curtains, gentle fingers brushing her skin, warm and soft and safe. Slow but strong, a breath of comforting, reliable relief. The light flickered in her stomach, in her heart, lit the air before outstretched fingers— Catra’s eyes widened and Adora let herself hope, for just a second— and went out. She bit back a cry and clutched her wrist, doubling over in pain, gold turned to molten lava dripping through her veins. The cuts at her side ached like she was being torn in two, splitting skin and blood and bone all the way to her core.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Catra asked. Adora looked at her, filled with concern, anxiously holding her shoulders, waiting for Adora to simply tell her what she needed, hoping to break things down into something that made sense, something with an answer she wanted to hear.</p><p>Adora met her eyes, and she lied.</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>-</p><p>It was Adora all along, wasn’t it? She couldn’t do it. She didn’t trust. Didn’t let them in. When she did, she fucked it up. Listened to the wrong people, let them lead her life, let them make the decisions she didn’t know how to make. That wasn’t her fault, some would say. She was just a kid when it all started. But that was on her, too, wasn’t it?</p><p>If only she’d been older. If only she’d been stronger. Kinder. Smarter. Quicker. If she’d seen it coming, or thought for herself. The list was long, and she could add to it all day without taking a breath, listing the reasons why she had let them down, how she let it all happen.</p><p>But everyone else was gone. Their expectations remained, but it was Catra and Adora at the end of the world, then, and she would make her own damn decisions.</p><p>And Catra made hers, too. Adora shouldn’t have been surprised when she chose to stay, taking her hands, steadying her with her voice, her words, letting her know that she wasn’t alone. But Catra would be, soon, and Adora’s guilt would fall on Catra’s shoulders for her to bear alone.</p><p>Still, she was grateful.</p><p>Still, she was sorry.</p><p>-</p><p>There at her fingertips and forever out of reach, something worth fighting for. But she’d fought, hadn’t she? She’d tried and begged and screamed for a chance at a life worth living. It wasn’t enough, and it never would be, because it wasn’t set out for her. It wasn’t her <em> destiny </em> and it wasn’t her <em> fate </em> because as much as Adora hated the path she’d been forced to follow and the woman she’d had to hide in exchange for the soldier they all needed to see, there wasn’t another way. It had to be like this.</p><p>“You coming?” Catra asked, and Adora wanted to take her hand and laugh, say yes, let herself drown in the desperation bubbling in her chest, filling her lighter than air and dragging her into the depths of the ocean, drowning, falling, sinking from the clear surface of the dream she wished she could live. And god, what she wouldn’t give to see Catra happy, but there was nothing for Catra if Adora didn’t do this.</p><p>There was a world in which Adora said yes. She took Catra’s hand. They danced at the ball, and cheered after Glimmer and Scorpia’s speeches. They made it home, after, and laid awake in their bed whispering stories and truths they’d kept close to their chests until then. Adora ran her fingers through Catra’s hair and kissed her gently, held her close and let herself be held in return. She breathed a sigh of relief at the peace she offered, the release they both deserved. Adora took Catra’s hand, and they were happy.</p><p><em> A beautiful dream, </em> Prime mused.</p><p>He was right. But that was all it was.</p><p>And then Catra offered her a choice. Something of her own— something theirs. Adora had lived too many lives, she thought. Horde soldier. Force Captain— momentarily. She-Ra. Adora. The leader of the Rebellion, and one as herself.</p><p>But she’d never lived <em> for </em> herself.</p><p>So when Catra offered her a choice, Adora— just Adora, as herself, looking at the woman she loved— took her hand, brought her close, tried not to laugh, and she said, without apology or pain or fear—</p><p>“I love you, too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i NEED adora and mara to sit down and talk about like. everything. she-ra season 6 theyre getting angella and mara out of the portal and then they can all live in peace. i need it</p><p>tysm for reading!! comments are really appreciated !!</p><p>here's my <a href="https://twitter.com/xandrillia">twitter</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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